How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Randomize
