When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I just want nice things and good sex
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
