i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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