you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
