Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Randomize
