i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
My vagina is very pro this idea
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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