what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
