Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
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Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
I understand Curling. That high.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
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