So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
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