he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
