How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
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