There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
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Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
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Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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