Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
