the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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