The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Randomize
