Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
So squirting runs in the family.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Randomize
