When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Randomize
