people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Randomize