The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Watching her eat just hurts me
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
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