Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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