All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize