So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Randomize
