just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I have already put on my inside pants.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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