My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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