she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
then he tried to convert me to islam
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Randomize
