It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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