i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
