I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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