i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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