My room smells like vodka and shame
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
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You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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