I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
