He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
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