Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
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