I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Randomize
