Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Randomize
