haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
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