this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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