I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Randomize
