We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
