I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Randomize
