Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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