Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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