when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
