Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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