I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
i think my cat just said my name.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
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