Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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