K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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