i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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