We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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