I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Randomize
