im gay
i know
yea but for you.
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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