I skipped work to stalk him.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Randomize
