Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
its liver damage thursday
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