We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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