If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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