guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Randomize
