Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Randomize
