I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize