Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
I wish i was in the wii world.
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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