Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
If I die, sorry about rent.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
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