Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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