So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I wear drunk well.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
