I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Randomize
