i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
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