soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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