One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Randomize
