totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
