Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
