it's not cheating when I paid for it
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Randomize
