i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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