i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Randomize
