bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
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i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
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Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
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