cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Randomize
