lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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